As I’d mentioned in a previous post, with the new way we are required to bid our schedules, I’ve been getting fewer (okay, no) flying trips. I never used to run out of landing currency. Never. But for the past 6 months or so, all of my trips are coming up as Bunkie IDs–meaning, I baby-sit the controls during the night while the flying guys sleep. Boooring. We call it “Dozing for Dollars.”
On flights over 12 hours, we bring two bunkies (The official term is non-flying pilot.) for a total of four pilots. For flights under 12 hours (namely SFO-NRT (Tokyo) we bring one bunkie for three pilots total). The FAA requires airline pilots to log three landings every 90 days. At the end of the last 90 days, I had only 1 out of 3 and had to get current in the simulator. But at 6 months, you have to have had three AIRPLANE landings (The simulator no longer counts). Having had no luck in May pulling flying trips, even though I’m going to great places like Sydney, I decided I had to get serious about getting my 3 landings before the end of June, when I’d turn into a pumpkin. Seeing that I’d also planned a desperately needed vacation to Tahiti during that same time , an event the Dominatrix of United, aka Jennifer, would surely seek to ruin in order to re-train me, I knew had to do something. But what could I do? Beg? Plead?
Exactly.
So, I started e-mailing the respective captains before each flight, explaining my situation and groveling for a landing. I got nothing but “no’s” and even a few “hell no’s.” (No matter, they-who-refuse-me will expire in humiliating ways in future novels–IOW, never piss off an author). So, I changed tactics. I began to bribe. Along with my usual pleading, I said I’d buy them beers when we got to the layover. Suddenly, the captains starting saying yes (even though they must make nearly twice what I do). In less than a week, I’ve gotten two landings!!! (And they were sweet, too (my landings), I might add, which either disputes the old saying that practice makes perfect or eerily confirms the importance of the simulator as a realistic training tool). I’m raiding my checking account once again (you think beer in Japan is cheap??!!) for the third and final landing that will keep me out of trouble (and Jennifer’s clutches) for another few months.
Epilogue: I did receive my third and final required landing, and went on to (finally) find success bidding with our new system. I’m giddy with delight to report I’ve actually gotten several recent landings without having to buy them, flying as the Flying First Officer and not the Bunkie! What have YOU bartered for lately…and what did you put on the bargaining table? Come on, fess up. Hee hee.
